


Welcome to Chili's

by Kayleana



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack Fiction, I never know how to tag things but I REALLY don't know how to tag this, please do not expect anything super romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 15:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19444534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayleana/pseuds/Kayleana
Summary: Tay is our protagonist, and she just wants one normal day so she can read, bless her heart. She was pretty nerdy growing up, but she's lost a lot of her interest in reading lately due to overworking. Fen'Harel falling through the Chili's mirror doesn't help matters.





	Welcome to Chili's

The table blurs in and out of Tay’s vision as she sets the customer’s sweet tea down. God, she needs a nap. She claps her hands once and smiles, asking if the customer needs anything else at the moment.

“This isn’t sweet,” the customer states, eyeing the drink over her tortoise shell glasses.

Tay clears her throat. “Well, maybe you should try it first just to make sure?”

The customer snorts and rolls her eyes. “I can _smell_ it.”

Tay nods and slowly inhales, which was a mistake considering the woman smells like apple berry piss. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll be sure to get you another one right away.” 

The lady taps a case knife on the table as Tay scurries off. It’s Tuesday. Tay’s honestly too high to really care about the bitching. Afterall, maybe the lady needs extra sugar to fix her bitch ass attitude. She fixes the customer’s damn drink, even adding in a few packets of sweet-n-low out of spite. Fortunately, after a few seconds of snorting around the glass like a bull, the customer seems satisfied with the amount of sugar.

Tay hurries to the break room, sits down, and throws her feet onto the squeaky metal chair next to her. Her coworker Becky sits at the janky end of the table (the part that had been sawed off by an angry employee at some point) and picks at her spaghetti. 

“You can sit closer. I don’t bite.” Tay chuckles. “Well, unless you ask.” She gives a finger gun. Crap. That was too awkward. It’s obvious Becky likes girls and is too shy to admit it, and Tay just goes guns in flirting.

Becky stops picking at her food and sighs. “My boyfriend broke up with me.”

Holy fish sticks in a fryer. “Damn, that’s rough.”

Becky slowly nods and rubs her forehead. Her stringy hair falls around her face. “It’s ok. I figured it would happen. I just want to be able to sleep again. My head is killing me.”

“Let me get you something. Tylenol or Ibuprofen?”

“Advil.”

Tay stands up and pushes her chair in, which squeaks and echoes across the whole damn room like a pro-life protestor on a Wednesday morning at Planned Parenthood. “Okay, I’ll check up front. Dante always steals the Advil.” 

“Thanks.”

Tay cracks the break room door open and checks to make sure Sweet Tea Lady is okay. It seems Justin is taking care of her. Hell, they’re even laughing. Justin is always good at taking care of cranky ass bitches. Well, customer-wise. He’s never been good at taking care of his own cranky ass bitches.

She heads up front, only to find no Dante. Well, it _is_ Tuesday. He’s probably run off to the back to take his shitty selfies or something. (He’d gotten a tongue ring a few weeks ago, and his insta follower count has skyrocketed.) Fortunately, no one comes to Chili’s on a Tuesday morning. They’re probably all slaving in this capitalistic world, trying to pay the shady electric company and put at least one green food on the table while praying for a day they can sleep in. 

After searching the podium shelving for a hot minute, she finds a penis doodle, Dante’s cell phone, and a bottle of Advil. She shakes the bottle. Two whole pills left. Dante is a fucking Advil addict. She taps Dante’s cell phone. One-hundred twenty messages? What the fuck? This boy is crazy. But if he’s not taking selfies, what the hell is he doing?

As she heads back to the break room, the ceiling lights flicker. Fuckity fuck. She turns down the hallway next to the breakroom. It’s not even storming. “I swear to god Dante, if you’re messing with the breaker box again…”

Dante is frozen in the hall, staring at the tall mirror leaning against the corner. His fingers are shaking. He starts swinging his head back and forth like a fucking horse who doesn’t want his fly mask. Well, it has been awhile since Tay has taken care of horses, but Dante is kinda horse-like. 

“You all right?” Tay asks.

Dante doesn’t answer. The mirror glows for a second, and he points to it. “You see this shit?”

“What the fuck are you doing installing LEDs in the hallway mirror? Do you want customers complaining about seizures or some shit?” 

“I didn’t, it, uh, it’s just like lighting or something.” He brings his hands to his mouth and keeps shaking his head. “This shit is messed up.”

“Alyssa is obviously trying to spook you because you and I may have been a little too hungover last weekend.”

“I’m not fucking kidding around,” he squeals.

She hates playing manager. “Look, dude, just go to the breakroom, give Becky this Advil, chill out, take a smoke, and…” The mirror hums and vibrates. The lights above flicker. She drops the Advil. The corner of the mirror cracks a little.

Dante screams. “There’s a fucking leg comin outta that shit.”

Tay isn’t sure when she started hiding behind Dante. She pushes him forward. “We’re just high, man. It’s okay.”

“Then why the fuck you pushing me?”

Arms emerge from the mirror, followed by a torso and the silhouette of a face. Dante screams again, pushes Tay out of the way, and runs. She falls on her ass.

“Pussy,” she screams. 

The lights stop flickering, and the mirror quiets and dims. The now fully emerged figure is a man who looks like he’d just stepped out of the Renaissance fair her dad took her to when she was seven. (She’d cried the whole time because she’d wanted to dress as a goblin, not a princess.) The man is tall, bald, and has some rad muscular thighs. His ears are hella long. She hopes the pelt around his torso isn’t real.

She stands up and brushes her ass off. Hopefully he didn’t like his tea overly sweet. Any man who travels through fucking mirror is probably a picky prick. She smiles. She’s too high for this shit, but she’s one month away from a raise, and if this is management pulling a stunt, she’s going to give it her all. 

“Welcome to Chili’s. Would you like a booth or a table?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the meme where Solas goes through an eluvian and enters Chili's. If people like the story well enough, I will post a chapter 2. I will also accept prompts. Don't expect art. 
> 
> For any mistakes, DM me on Tumblr or Discord.


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